Counting Down
I've decided to try blogging. I'm not certain I'll keep up with it, but I'll give it a shot. Before I begin on my current thoughts, allow me to bring you up to speed on my life in the past 3-4 months, starting in November 2011. November 1st marked the first day of my husband's Air Force Career. (Gasp!) But not to fear. It's been a long time coming, especially since we spent a whole year thinking and praying over his enlistment before any action towards it was taken place. And so, on that final day of departure, as we drove to Jacksonville, Fl to drop him off, I found myself peaceful. Sure I was going to miss him during boot camp, what wife wouldn't? But the drive was beautiful and the day was promising. As I sat there in the passenger's seat, I reflected on the years behind us and looked forward to the adventure ahead. It was one of those moments where life caught up with you. Already 3 years of marriage and a billion silly moments later, and here we were. In the parking lot of a hotel where he would group with however many other stoic faces also starting their adventure into Air Force life. The goodbye was simple and sweet. No tears. Just a hug and a kiss, one more of his everything-will-be-okay looks just for good measure and off we went. Him: into the unknown. Me: back to life as I knew it. Or so I thought.
Over the next two months, I buried myself in a personal To-Do list consisting of many work hours (even if I am only part time) and an vigorous workout program I followed religiously at least 6 days a week. Inbetween, I did random things like taking Honey to the dog park, painting my baseboards, polishing wooden cabinets, raking leaves outside, and actually flossing my teeth. On Sunday, I felt the strength of The Lord prepare me for yet another week without my husband whom I heard from about once every 2-3 weeks. So, not very often. And only for about 15-20 minutes if that. Though, there at the end of his boot camp I heard more from him. We crammed as much information into those minutes as humanly possible. There were a couple times where I couldn't hold back the emotions and just the sound of his voice was enough to make me cry. But I wasn't alone. You may be thinking: "Seriously you two? It's just boot camp." But truthfully, it's not a sad situation. It's simply the fact that after 6 years of being together, suddenly we weren't. That's a culture shock in itself. On Thanksgiving, he was able to leave base and stay with a host family who allowed him to call home so everyone could chat with him for a turn. I am still so grateful for that family who made my husband feel as close to home as possible. Finally, December was making progress. We were down to a handful of days. Christmas time is always fun for me and the festivities that come with it helped move time along. At last, his graduation was here and my mother-in-law and I traveled to Lackland AFB in Texas to see him graduate. We were like two little giggly school girls once we arrived at our hotel a day early before the graduation events. We had us some pizza and good conversation and eventually fell asleep. My husband's father and step mother met us there as well as my Great Aunt and Uncle. The weekend was a blur of things we did.
When the Airmen were released to their families, I was bursting at the seems to get my arms around him. I claimed that day as our day. I was so thankful everyone was understanding and allowed us to have time to ourselves. It's a fact, it was awkward to see my husband after two months and we both were acting like we had just met. We huddled ourselves up in the hotel talking for hours and hours after the initial awkwardness wore off. And then I had to give him back by 8:00pm. No fair...Over the next two days, we partook in all the official graduation events and spent time catching up with the family. Overall, the weekend was fun and I didn't want to come back home. I have never been so proud of anyone in my life. To me, my husband is admirable and he persevered along with many other men and women just beginning. He is a man with great work ethic: finishing basic training through the pain of shin-splints (which we later learned he was bordering on fractures), sleep deprived, and programmed along with 900 others about what is expected out of them. I don't know about you, but I knew it was intense training when I saw my husband's mannerisms so vastly different from his normal ways. But even when I said my goodbye to return home, he was still my Jeff. And he knew I was still his Amy.
And now, here I am. Almost another 2 months later, still clinging to my most recent memories of him post-basic training. I wish I could claim to be as strong as I was before. But in truth, I am not. And it sucks to feel like you're failing yourself. Knowing you were capable of greater faith before. So, I try think about the good sides of things while he is in Tech school. Like, how I get to talk to him a little everyday. Well, if I'm being honest, sometimes that makes it harder. Nevertheless, he called to tell me his orders shortly after he arrived at Sheppard AFB. We're still stateside and in the same state actually, so that's good. And his tech school is only 6 weeks long. Many others, I had heard them say, had 3-6 months of tech school. No, thank you! I want my hubby home ASAP. We have two weeks until his last day of tech school and I've been marking through the days on my calendar since New Year's day. The days drag on but at least they're going. It leads me to a new found respect for people who's husbands are deployed for months/years at a time, or those who lose their spouses after 60 years of marriage. I have only a small taste of what that emptiness feels like. It's surprisingly taxing emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. Jeff even admitted it's been arguably harder on me than it is for him. But in the end, when he finally comes home, I'll remember the lessons I've learned over the past 4 months. It is that absence really does makes the heart grow fonder-it's not just a cliche. It is that God gives us the ability to love someone so much that the word "love" is simply inadequate. It's being grateful that you feel this way and that over a thousand miles someone else feels the same way about you-and you don't have to doubt it even though they're not right there next to you. It is the definition of refining faith because through the experiences, both of us want to love God more.
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Over the next two months, I buried myself in a personal To-Do list consisting of many work hours (even if I am only part time) and an vigorous workout program I followed religiously at least 6 days a week. Inbetween, I did random things like taking Honey to the dog park, painting my baseboards, polishing wooden cabinets, raking leaves outside, and actually flossing my teeth. On Sunday, I felt the strength of The Lord prepare me for yet another week without my husband whom I heard from about once every 2-3 weeks. So, not very often. And only for about 15-20 minutes if that. Though, there at the end of his boot camp I heard more from him. We crammed as much information into those minutes as humanly possible. There were a couple times where I couldn't hold back the emotions and just the sound of his voice was enough to make me cry. But I wasn't alone. You may be thinking: "Seriously you two? It's just boot camp." But truthfully, it's not a sad situation. It's simply the fact that after 6 years of being together, suddenly we weren't. That's a culture shock in itself. On Thanksgiving, he was able to leave base and stay with a host family who allowed him to call home so everyone could chat with him for a turn. I am still so grateful for that family who made my husband feel as close to home as possible. Finally, December was making progress. We were down to a handful of days. Christmas time is always fun for me and the festivities that come with it helped move time along. At last, his graduation was here and my mother-in-law and I traveled to Lackland AFB in Texas to see him graduate. We were like two little giggly school girls once we arrived at our hotel a day early before the graduation events. We had us some pizza and good conversation and eventually fell asleep. My husband's father and step mother met us there as well as my Great Aunt and Uncle. The weekend was a blur of things we did.
When the Airmen were released to their families, I was bursting at the seems to get my arms around him. I claimed that day as our day. I was so thankful everyone was understanding and allowed us to have time to ourselves. It's a fact, it was awkward to see my husband after two months and we both were acting like we had just met. We huddled ourselves up in the hotel talking for hours and hours after the initial awkwardness wore off. And then I had to give him back by 8:00pm. No fair...Over the next two days, we partook in all the official graduation events and spent time catching up with the family. Overall, the weekend was fun and I didn't want to come back home. I have never been so proud of anyone in my life. To me, my husband is admirable and he persevered along with many other men and women just beginning. He is a man with great work ethic: finishing basic training through the pain of shin-splints (which we later learned he was bordering on fractures), sleep deprived, and programmed along with 900 others about what is expected out of them. I don't know about you, but I knew it was intense training when I saw my husband's mannerisms so vastly different from his normal ways. But even when I said my goodbye to return home, he was still my Jeff. And he knew I was still his Amy.
And now, here I am. Almost another 2 months later, still clinging to my most recent memories of him post-basic training. I wish I could claim to be as strong as I was before. But in truth, I am not. And it sucks to feel like you're failing yourself. Knowing you were capable of greater faith before. So, I try think about the good sides of things while he is in Tech school. Like, how I get to talk to him a little everyday. Well, if I'm being honest, sometimes that makes it harder. Nevertheless, he called to tell me his orders shortly after he arrived at Sheppard AFB. We're still stateside and in the same state actually, so that's good. And his tech school is only 6 weeks long. Many others, I had heard them say, had 3-6 months of tech school. No, thank you! I want my hubby home ASAP. We have two weeks until his last day of tech school and I've been marking through the days on my calendar since New Year's day. The days drag on but at least they're going. It leads me to a new found respect for people who's husbands are deployed for months/years at a time, or those who lose their spouses after 60 years of marriage. I have only a small taste of what that emptiness feels like. It's surprisingly taxing emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. Jeff even admitted it's been arguably harder on me than it is for him. But in the end, when he finally comes home, I'll remember the lessons I've learned over the past 4 months. It is that absence really does makes the heart grow fonder-it's not just a cliche. It is that God gives us the ability to love someone so much that the word "love" is simply inadequate. It's being grateful that you feel this way and that over a thousand miles someone else feels the same way about you-and you don't have to doubt it even though they're not right there next to you. It is the definition of refining faith because through the experiences, both of us want to love God more.
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